Yeah... that's just not cool.

I finally see a genuinely smart girl that enjoys laughter, and wow i thought to myself, this girl must be a Greek Goddess, the photo spoke to me like a siren singing a beautiful melody to lure me in. This girl must be an angel incarnate taking my eternal soul in exchange for an enchanted mortal existence because With just one look, You make me realize so much, How I have never liked someone so much, before, And how I could like you so much more, Than I thought I could, Than I thought I would. Has it been the many years at sea that have left my heart hollow with the need to fill it? When I look at you, I think of an 70% match with only a 20% enemy. Could it be? Could 2 strangers have 70% in common but yet be so different. Alas we are so different, you a successful lady, me a hopeless romantic in search for what his heart desires. Hopeless is indeed the word to use, for someone so beautiful who replies very selectively, I am but an Ogre chasing after a princess. If only life were a fairytale.

After an extremely brief overview of your profile it pains me to tell you that I’ve already wined, dined, married, cheated on, and divorced you. However, we still need to discuss when I can come pick up my 50” flat screen. I would hope that setting it on fire is beneath you…especially since the judge decided to only make you pay $2500/month in child support;) 

Sincerely Yours, 
Imaginary Douchebag Ex-Husband:P

Ok Go-Pid

Unfortunately I was sleeping between those 4 hours.

Ah, a true master of reverse psychology.

Um, thanks?

hellogiggles:

From Our Readers: AN OPEN LETTER TO GUYS ON OKCUPID

by From Our Readers

But wait… HOW passionate? Be more specific.

(Awesome and specific retort to the aforementioned OKCupid message.)

This man-fellow’s courtship method’s have really won over my cardiovascular system. I’d like to hold him to my chest cavity. 

I think we should meet in person before we decide to share responsibility over small domestic felines.

With the clarification of licking my face, would that mean there’s no frosting there? Why go through the effort? This sounds very messy.

Wowy, sir, you have definitely stood alone.

Proud to be invited onto the team of Captain Planet’s concubines, I suppose.

I’d love to but… I’m busy washing my hair, catching up on Two and a Half Men, practicing taking Facebook photos that don’t look like MySpace photos, and a few other activities that keep me insanely busy.